Sunday, December 31, 2006

Memoirs of 2006


The life of 2006 is reaching its end soon. One year has passed since the last. Dad is enjoying life with Mom, Sis has been married for a year already, and Bro's turn is coming real soon, sometime around mid-year. Bailey has grown more lazy, and is turning 8 (56 in dog's life).

My basic collection of liquors is complete, and I've added two pairs of shoes to my wardrobe. I've cleared up the mess in my room, but many things in my life are still left in a mess. It won't be long before my room looks like a dump again. Perhaps one of my resolutions for the coming year should be to keep it tidy all year round.

I'm hitting 20 in the coming year, and I wonder what I have achieved so far. Nothing commendable, yes. Still I won't say that I'm totally useless. I haven't found my calling yet. Excuse or not, I can't say much until I find out. Still, I find my ability to smile in times of pain somewhat satirical.

My little body hasn't taken me to many places this year, but I do have memories that I'd like to take along with me wherever I go. Images of tranquility, pictures of beauty, symbols of significance, and reflections of emotions. These are the select few taken over the year:


Tranquility


Holiday


Closure


Direction


Illumination


Faith


Beauty


Indulgence


Bonds


Me

To anyone else they may just be still images, but to me each one of them hold some meaning in its own way. Everyone has got similar entities that hold meaning that only they can relate to, this I'm certain.

The one thing that I can't go on without is music. Wherever I go, I am never alone, because music is my companion. Sometimes I favour my portable player over human companions. People sometimes say things that are hurtful or unwanted. I only hear the things that I wanna hear in songs. Some I can relate to, others are just a collection of noisebeats that I like.

Thanks to Tedo for introducing Saosin and the likes to me. The songs hold so much angst and emotions. They say that it's not healthy to keep everything to myself, but I've found a watergate to letting it out. Thank you for showing me that you don't care 'bout what I want to say, which is why I never say much nowadays.

Here are some of the songs I chose from the bands that I listen to:


+44 - 155


Blink 182 - Here's Your Letter


Jack's Mannequin - The Mixed Tape


My Chemical Romance - Disenchanted


Panic! At The Disco - Time To Dance


Saosin - Sleepers


Simple Plan - Untitled


Taking Back Sunday - Number Five With A Bullet


The All-American Rejects - The Last Song


The Used - The Taste Of Ink

The year of 2006 has seen me through many ups and downs. Bouts of depression and highs of 75 came and went. Stronger and harder my heart has become, but wills of steel I've got not. I don't exactly have any particular resolution for the new year. But given a mere five minutes, these would be the ones that I can come up without thinking hard.

1. Obtain my class 3 license finally.
2. Graduate with a diploma, even if semester 7 is in place.
3. _____________________________________

There isn't a third one, but if there is it will come naturally. It's almost six in the morning - the birds are waking and it is time for the worm typing this entry to burrow under the sheets and hibernate till the evening.

Wishing all a heartfelt happy new year, and may your wishes come true. If they didn't materialise this year, don't be disheartened. Next year will be better, so smile =)

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both, maybe both happening at the same time" - Forrest Gump
Goodbye 2006.

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 5:49 AM

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Friday, December 29, 2006

A Somber Smile

A brush against the face that I adore so much
A soft whisper, that's all, and off I go
The featherlight dreams that I once had,
Miraculously dissolved under the cover of the night

One by one the nights past under the changing skies
Through time the stars that once shone so brightly
Shimmered no more as their tears ran dry
When dawn breaks, the dark gives way to light

The sting I feel against my cheek lessens
As I danced on, ignoring the sores
I carry the same smile on my face
As I do always even when it gets difficult

A small flicker, a loud bang, and the skies light up
Wipe away the tears, and behold the lovely sight
Though the flowers of light last a moment's brief
Remember well the picturesque score of passing fantasy

The chapters of my diary are here with me
Ever reminding me of the beauty I see
In times of hardship I persevere
At places of wrong calling I saw your silhouette

Friends tell me that I am on a stray path
"Thread lightly or lose your way" they say
I feel not the same and heed no warnings
Though I know someday that my road may end halfway

Lost and alone I find myself pushing on
A hand reaches out in front of me
Grasp it firmly or turn away for good
And I wonder what it would be like...

Need me not I know, but want me not you say
A halting pause to the heart and mind
I guess I cannot trust those...
Silly horoscopes after all

I lift my glass and forget the woes of tomorrow
In reality that night was supposed to be somber
As I floated lightly into the clouds
I begin to lose my visions of the yesterdays

I'd be so happy if I could go further away
Leaving my mortal worries on the rack
But I can't see why his tears were streaming down that night
I just can't see it anymore...
-Rawbean

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

M'Lord, Comscan has...

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 3:32 AM

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Will It Blend?


Sick bastard.

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 7:25 PM

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Monday, December 25, 2006

Spirit of Christmas


Festive greetings to everyone out there! I hope that everyone had an enjoyable Christmas this year. For me and some other people, it bears some significance because... Tis' the last Christmas we're spending as teenagers! Come next year, we're be hitting the big 20. Still young we're considered, but to me, we're not as young as "the young" anymore.


A Pink X'mas

Notable events for the weekend include a stay over at Damian's place, and a not-so-countable countdown at Orchard Road.


I brought you my vodka, you brought me your ham

Damian bought not one, but two legs of ham. That's a lot of ham for a small group of us, but we almost finished it all. We stayed up all night playing PS2 and card games. That consisted of our usual fare of Cheat (a.k.a Bullshit) with a penalty of vodka.


Table of munchies


Jeremy in his sexy boxers

We took turns to carve and bake the ham. As the night drew on, we got high and some of the guys started doing stupid things like trying to cheat by playing 5 cards of a kind. When dawn broke, they started feeling tired and decided to turn in for the day. They almost did, but not with me around.


Pool in the wee hours

Feeling somehow energetic, I managed to get Jeremy and Damian to go for a morning dip. Well Damian, didn't get wet, but he joined us for sauna. 3 crazy guys in the pool at 8am after the rain. It was cold, but it felt good. Went home after that and that concludes the time spent before the eve of Christmas.


Air pollution

Initially I didn't have any plans for the eve or for Christmas. Qi Yin wanted to play with sparklers so I met her in town on the eve. Joined Louise's friends and we spent the countdown playing with sparklers.

Though Christmas itself was a simple and unexciting day, it did feel nice being around people, instead of having to spend it alone. Though you may feel that you didn't do anything special, I still feel thankful for the simple things that you brought =)

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 11:39 PM

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Saturday, December 23, 2006

Where's My Money?


Saw a video that was linked from X's blog. Well, I feel the same way as he does.


We all want to play nice, but sometimes certain people/situations force us to be nasty. Do we all have to play rough to get our message across to fickle people? Probably yes.

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 8:14 PM

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Silent Night


The rain has finally stopped falling.

Do you sometimes wonder when it's ever gonna stop?

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 4:44 AM

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Fire! At Tangs


I got pictures, but no motivation to type lengthy posts on how my day has been, so I shall keep this short.


Colleagues for this weekend


Opposite Tangs


Gloomy skies


Heavy downpour throughout the day


Apparently CK Tangs caught fire during the evening. Benson was telling me that on the phone. I was about to say that I don't see any fire when I saw several fire engines rushing to the scene. There were at least a dozen civil defence vehicles accompanied by police cars and ambulances.


Went for a walk down Orchard Road after work and took pictures of the place done up with the Christmas lighting.










The displays with people in costumes are part of a charity event. You can take pictures with them after making a donation of $5, which will go to the World Vision programme. World Vision is a Christian organisation that aims to provide education and housing for the poor children around the world.

My friend committed $45/month as part of a child sponsorship scheme. The money will go a long way in aiding their fight against poverty. To find out more about child sponsorship, have a heart and click here.


Closer view of Tangs


Paragon in lights


Me at the end of the day

With that I end my half-hearted post. I am tired, but not quite depleted yet. Thanks to all who cared for my well-being =)

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 1:20 AM

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

Just Pictures


Some pics taken over the past few days:


After The Rain


Behind The Blue Window


Bright and clear on one side


Dark and cloudy on the other


Benson & Me


Geneieve & Me

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 12:30 AM

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Bronto... Bronchi?


I revisited a familiar word today. The word was Brontosaurusbronchitis. I'll jump the fancy pansy shit 'bout bronchitis. I'm not overly interested in this condition, but there is a slight concern for it. Read up more on its wiki here.

Prognosis
Acute bronchitis usually lasts approximately 10 or 11 days. It may accompany or closely follow a cold or the flu, or it may arrive unaccompanied by any other condition. It is contagious, and it starts out with a dry cough, frequently waking the sufferer up at night. After a few days, it progresses to a wetter, productive cough, which may be accompanied by a low grade fever, fatigue, and headache. The fever, fatigue, and malaise may last only a few days, but the wet cough may last up to several weeks. For some people, the cough may last as long as a few months as the bronchial tubes heal slowly.

Should the cough last longer than a month, some doctors may issue a referral to an ENT Doctor to see if a cause other than bronchitis is causing the irritation. It is possible that having irritated bronchial tubes for as long as a few months may inspire asthmatic conditions in some patients.

In addition, if one starts coughing up mucus tinged with blood, one should see a doctor. In rare cases, doctors may conduct tests to see if the cause is a serious condition such as tuberculosis or lung cancer.

The prognosis for patients with severe chronic bronchitis varies, but recovery is harder for those patients with additional severe illnesses (lung diseases or heart conditions). Pulmonary hypertension, cor pulmonale, and chronic respiratory failure are possible complications from chronic bronchitis.
I haven't been reading much, and I don't know what the hell is "Prognosis". I've never been lucky with the lottery or similar stuff, so this ain't gonna happen right?

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 12:35 AM

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Friday, December 15, 2006

Lightning Never Strikes The Same Spot Twice


That's how the old saying goes. But uh no, it seems that lightning can strike the same spot more than once.

I hope that I manage to take on the days of 2007 in one piece. My health is deteriorating lately and I don't have time to rest. Even as I'm typing this I got an assignment to complete by tomorrow for presentation. There's a test for another module that comes after that.

My cough is getting terrible. It is bad to the extent that I can't sleep at night. I went to bed at midnight yesterday, and stayed up coughing till around 3am before I finally caught some shuteye. It's bad when there's traces of blood in my spit after coughing. Will I cough out blood and roll over one day?

My two-week break starts this Monday, but it isn't much of a holiday with four assignments due next year. Still, I'm looking forward to it because I will be able to rest at least. Hopefully.

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Upcoming Movies!


I've got five movies on my to-watch list at the moment.

Opening Today!:


Eragon

Opening 20th December:


Charlotte's Web

Opening 21st December:


Night At The Museum


Curse Of The Golden Flower

Opening 28th December:


Death Note 2: The Last Name

I'm going on a movie marathon on the 21st. Titles will include Charlotte's Web and Night At The Museum. I haven't done this in a long time, so I'm not that ambitious to watch a third, but if I'm still feeling perky after the second I shall go for the third. If ever so coincidentally you intend to watch the same movies and feel crazy enough (like me) to go for a marathon, drop me a line.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Ironies


I read 'bout this particular situation from Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus not too long ago. In my own words, here goes.

A man and woman are in love. A seemingly simple relationship is actually difficult to maintain. Through time, cracks show and start to grow. Conflicts arise, and things always seem to turn out the way they don't want it to be.

The man works hard in hope of providing the woman of his life a comfortable leaving. To him, he has scored big by having to keep up this noble and tedious task. To the woman, he has only scored one point. Every single gift scores one point, irregardless of how big it is.

When the man reaches home, he has his dinner and retires to watch his favourite program or to do something he likes. He wants his personal space. The woman feels neglected and feels resentment. In her heart, she feels that she has done so much more, like fixing dinner and other little things like household chores. She looks at the man and compares, lamenting that he scored only one point compared to her double-digit score.

In the man's mind, he waits for the woman to do more because he feels that he has scored 10 points and it is only fair that the woman takes care of domestic affairs. Men idealise fairness, while woman idealise unconditional love. Small arguments lead to big fights, and eventually they move away when they are unable to resolve the problems.

The woman wants the man to change because she perceives change as part of growing. The man thinks that she wants him to change because there is something wrong with him, and naturally he resists her. Being technical creatures, men often have the concept of "Don't fix something if it's not broken".

The man needs to feel appreciated before he is willing to change. When the woman wants him to change, he perceives that the woman think that he is broken. As a result, he becomes cold and moves away, waiting for the woman to show love and appreciation before he is able to be warm again. The woman however sees this resistance as his stubborn nature.

They start drifting away and spend less time together. The man does not understand what the woman is thinking because her actions do not show what she is thinking. More often that not, the things that she does are opposite of what she really feels inside.

When the woman finally gets her message across (or when the man finally realises what she wants), the man thinks it through and starts making changes to save the relationship. The man becomes the person whom the woman had so wanted him to be all the time. The ironic thing is that when the man finally changes, the woman, after being tired of holding on, decides to let go.

How real is this situation? Real enough to be put in a movie.


The movie may not have any special effects or amazing twists, but that's because it is all so realistic. It might have happened to someone you know, and that is why it brings empathy to the watcher. There are so many feelings that one can relate to in the movie =)

Was browsing through my folder of unsorted pictures, and I found some of the missing pictures taken last week on the day of the photoshoot. Appended are also random pictures taken today.


JY being dolled up


Irddy harassing Dickson


Light and Dark pt. 2


Mini Cooper spotted while on the way to school


Tweety and Mel @ Yishun


My little old man

Been pretty much feeling under the weather for the past week. Down with flu, cough, sore throat, and aching all over. Not getting any better due to the lack of rest. Had to work during the weekends and I'm busy with school stuff now. Can't afford another self-claimed rest day with a debarment already slapped across my face T.T

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 11:01 PM

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Friday, December 08, 2006

Fusion '07


Last Wednesday's photoshoot pictures are out. Below are the SIDM people that I'm familiar with (includes friends, classmates, and uh, some cool people).


Yao Wei & Tedo - my buddies


Irddy(my gay friend), JS, & X - my teammates


Mel, JY, & Ben - My KoF kakis


Dickson A.K.A KFCBoy, George, & May


Aylwyn, Xiao J, & Da J


Faizal A.K.A Nugget, Luqman, & Sulaiman A.K.A Suzie


Shaun, Ivan, & Jun Hui


Wing Yi, Kok Wee, & Jian Zhi(my IAP partner)


Wendy, Melvin, & Ekin - DMD counterparts


Captain BringItOn, DeterminedGuy, & UltraMan


Last but not least, GEEKY ME!

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 12:42 AM

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Eat This

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 6:37 PM

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3 Days


Down with a bad cough and flu, which is mainly contributed by the lack of sleep. In chronological order, these are the events worth mentioning that followed from Monday.

Monday

Upon reaching school, my course manager spoke to me.

Mr. LLY: Do you know that you're on debarment list?

Me: ...

Mr. LLY: I will see you next sem.
I had nothing to say in response to him. I got seated and lecture began. When lessons ended, Ms. Dioselin (the other lecture) spoke to me about my debarment. We both agreed that it wasn't worth getting debarred over a 30-hour module, and she was trying to help solve this issue. Mr. LLY walked over.

Mr. LLY: You skipped because you were at home sleeping right?

Me: <silent>

Mr. LLY: Since you chose to sleep at home, you have to pay for the consequences.

Me: <Ignores the asshole and talks to Ms. Dioselin>
For me, I understand that I have to be responsible for my own actions. As a course manager he has got every right to debar me, but I feel that the comments he made were not constructive and were totally uncalled for. He had no empathy and intended to be sarcastic.

I know of other students who have got worse attendance records than me but didn't get debarred. And I got debarred on the spot without receiving a single warning letter beforehand. He loves me, doesn't he? I don't respect a person like him no more. He probably doesn't care, but he lost all respect that I had for him.

After school I headed to Essential's office to collect my long-awaited salary and to return the phones for software upgrading. Got to know more promoters, this time from the same brand finally. Had supper with them and reached home after midnight. The day didn't end early. I had a test on the following day so I stayed up till 3 to write my notes.

Tuesday

With only 3 hours of sleep, I woke up feeling groggy and dragged myself to school with an aching back. A weak-minded asshole decided to end his life on the MRT tracks that morning, and the North South line got disrupted as a result. I was stranded at Sembawang without any means to get to school on time for the test. Fortunately, the test was postponed since a lot of people couldn't get to school.

I had no choice but to call Dad for help. He didn't take the request kindly and was very grumpy over it. I seldom ask him for help, and I was in desperation when I sought his help. Gillian witnessed our argument 'cos I met her at Sembawang and gave her a lift. This does not speak well, but things aren't that smooth to begin with.

The test was a breeze and I met Yao Wei after school. Went to West Mall to get a new phone 'cos I didn't have any phone to use. Initially I wanted to get a basic phone (N6030) without a camera so that it can be brought to camp when I'm serving NS. However that phone is really too basic, and I decided to get the K618 instead. The ongoing promotion with a student plan meant that I didn't have to pay anything for the phone =D

Had a long lunch at Swensen's with Yao Wei. The meal was unhealthy, no doubt. I had my usual of a Topless Five accompanied with a US Hot Dip & Fries and a serving of Calamari Rings. It was a foolish thing to do, considering my current health at that time but I don't give two hoots and that's me. Went home after that and reformatted my PC.

Wednesday

Had a photoshoot in the afternoon for NYP's Fusion webpage. It was gay, literally. Irddy was going around trying to gay the guys for the camera. Everyone had make-up on and some guys looked like they came straight from Changi (if you get what I mean).

Here are the pics that I took:


Ultimate Changi duo


Me with make-up (omg)


JY & X


Guy on guy action


Reluctance written all over ma face


Light and Dark


X with a half-assed attitude


Dollish Wing Yi & Me


Wing Yi & JS

The 2.0 MegaPixel camera in K618 isn't really very good as you can see from the pictures. It lacks autofocus, which really does make a difference. Maybe it's time to save up for a digital camera. The pictures taken during the photoshoot are not ready yet - I will post them when they are up.

Roger organised a gathering for LG and SE promoters at his place. Despite feeling in the dumps, I had to go since it was a good chance to get to know the other promoters. We had to run around the large estate around his place during a treasure hunt. It took a lot outta us, but it was all well worth it. My team came in 3rd and we won a $30 Takashimaya voucher each.

The lucky draw saw 2 W810s and 4 pairs of movie vouchers given away. My name was drawn during the first run, and I won a pair of movie tickets. That meant that I was no longer running for the W810 but it was better than walking away with nothing (which 2 dozen people did).

I need to recuperate and get well by the weekend otherwise work and school is gonna take the remaining life outta me. Wish me well will ya =)

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 2:09 PM

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Monday, December 04, 2006

Monday Blues


Officially on debarment list. Sweet.

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 11:03 AM

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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Hi my name is Bean...


A third year student at NYP, and I'm possibly gonna spend another 6 months repeating a dumb module known as DESOC (Digital Entertainment and Society). This module is generally about watching movies and analysing the techniques applied to the movie that contributed to the success of the movie.

Other than watching movies, as part of the requirement I'm supposed to use a 3D messenger known as Second Life to create machinima and other interactive contents by scripting. Machinima is basically using a game to reproduce movie scenes or animation.

So what do we actually have to do to achieve the fail or debarment status? The answer is simple - attendance, my friends. I've missed three sessions so far out of 15, so my attendance is standing at 80%. Technically I can be debarred. 1st session was skipped due to sheer laziness (so I deserve it eh), while the 2nd was because of my NS medical, and the 3rd was actually a stay-home session whereby we had to log in to Second Life (which I didn't).

Been real busy lately. School on weekdays, work on weekends. I've got several assignments to work on right now, but I need to seek some solace by letting it out here. Lessons are till 6 tomorrow, and I need to make a trip to the office (at Shaw Road) for some administrative issues. To make things worse, there's a bloody make-up movie screening for the above-mentioned module at 9am. If I miss it again, I'm really doing myself in.

"If it's tiring then take a break from work". Easier said than done. No work = no income. No income = eat grass. Dad's contract has not been renewed, so he's gonna be out of work pretty soon. He's not hard up for money, but still, losing a source of income inevitably puts more stress on my folks and I'm gonna need to supplement myself in more ways.

Got to know a few younger girls lately, and I have to say that they are really a waste of my time. Most of them just want attention, and they ask me immature questions like why I'm single, and how long I intend to remain single. So now, I'm single because I'm gay and I'm not interested in girls. Ta-dah, all queries answered.

But really, no. I'm interested in rich mature womenjust too busy for all this dating stuff. No point wasting time and money on dating. I'm tired, I need a break, but I can't afford one. Let me puke so much blood that I can't see tomorrow. This is the beginning of my nightmare before Christmas.

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Penning my heartfelt thoughts at 11:42 PM

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